never too late
by dietcokeandlime
Summary: It's never too late to start over Emily had a plan. Emily was happy. Or so she thought. In one moment everything changed; her plan changed. She changed. She realised she wasn't really living. So she did the one thing she never thought she would do; she left. Then life got...interesting...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey.**

 **So I know I haven't finished "electric love" yet *looks to the sky, hands behind back trying to ask for forgiveness*...but this idea has been keeping me awake at night, as well as that god awful migraine and pinched nerve...but I knew I had to get the first chapter out. Hopefully it's alright...I haven't really done much plotting or anything, but I have a few ideas I want to bring to this story, so I hope you enjoy and stick with it. And for those of you worried about "electric love" thank you, you are sweet and yes I will be finishing it and may even have the next chapter up this weekend (I just have to write the bloody thing).**

 **This story will solely be from Emily's POV as I feel it needs to come from her. It's a story about leaving what you know behind and trying to figure your shit out...kinda a bit where my life is at the moment.**

 **Also, since you stumbled across this...I have started a forum called "The Naomily Phenomenon" here on . Maybe you will check it out? You can find it here myforums/dietcokeandlime/8657928/**

 **We sit back enjoy, and pretty please tell me what you think and leave a review?**

 **DISCLAIMER: I don't own Skins or that characters, but I do own my brain (well I hope so) and a brand new ukulele**

* * *

 **Chapter One**

Pathetic. I know that's only how I _feel_ at this moment and not what I _am_ , but I cannot deny that it is in fact how I feel right now. Totally and utterly pathetic. Although to the outside world, my life probably looks fine and dandy with rainbows and glitter, but really, it's lonely and predictable.

I suppose the only way you will understand (or at least try to) is if I start from the beginning...

About three years ago, life was good; fantastic even. Heck even...near perfect. I _had_ a life then. Career, significant other, nice car, nice house (rented but still), a dog and _friends_. I had everything that I wanted, or at least that's what I thought at the time. You know when I was young and 'impressionable' as my mother liked to put it. When I thought things would only get better, _you know aside from the daily struggles of adult life_. I couldn't have been more wrong.

It was your typical Bristol day; dark, wet and miserable, but I didn't mind it because it was _normal_. It was home. It was 'safe'. Michael, my significant other, _okay my boyfriend_ , and I had been together since just after college. We met in a study group and that was it. We fell madly in love with each other and things just got better from there...that is until everything... _okay me_...became one...fucked...up...mess.

Back to this fine Bristol day. I was sitting eating lunch in a local cafe, just watching the world go by and the people in it. People-watching. It was perhaps a secret obsession of mine; just to sit there and watch how people interact with themselves and each other. It was interesting for me. It allowed me to escape my inner most thoughts about myself and just indulge in the endless possibilities of other people's lives without knowing really a thing about them. I guess on some level I felt envious of them. Although I had some twisted sense of reality in that I thought my life was almost perfect, I still had my insecurities. But when I was with Michael he seemed to make all that disappear. Oh yeah, when I _was_ with Michael.

Anyway, as I was, absorbed in people-watching some guy walking up and down the street looking to the sky, hands outstretched like he was the bloody Messiah or something, muttering nonsense under his breath, and believe me, it was nonsense. Random words including fisting, bicycles and cheese came up once or twice. I must have been watching him for about ten minutes; this strange guy, who was dressed like a monk, and to be honest, looked a bit like Jesus.

I was so engrossed in watching this guy and trying to figure out what the fuck he was on about when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I retrieved my phone and saw 'one new message from Michael' pop up on the screen. I unlocked my phone and pulled up the message.

 ** _Hey babe. What time will you be home tonight? Thought we could go out for dinner, just you and me? xx_**

Michael. He could be so sweet sometimes. Okay perhaps nearly all the time. He was like a packet of double chocolate chip biscuits; deliciously sweet and can't get enough of. At the time, and throughout our relationship, it was one of the things that drew me to him in the first place. He was a genuine sweetie. He was the first person to make me feel special; wanted and... _loved_. He cared and maybe he cared _too_ _much_. Maybe that was the problem.

I mean I had a few short relationships, and a fling or two in High School and College, but nothing serious. Nothing noteworthy. Nothing permanent. But that's what Michael was, or so I thought.

I smiled at the two xx's at the end of his text and quickly typed out a reply.

 ** _Hey you. My last shoot was cancelled because of the weather so I'll be home around 4pm. I just have to finish editing the last few photos and it's off to the printers._**

Oh yeah, I'm a photographer...or I _was_ a photographer. Freelance. And I liked it that way, working for myself; able to pick and choose what worked for me and what projects I wanted to work on. At first I had to take what I could get, you know starting out. I was 'discovered' fresh out of Uni by a small company that basically only hired freelance photographers. It was my big break. I was happily snapping photos of weddings, industrial structures, landscapes and the odd Comic Con fanatic... _don't ask_.

When I become more confident and perfected my craft, I became almost solely focused on shooting festivals and events. I did a few engagement and wedding shoots on the side for a bit of extra cash, but festivals and events was my forte... _remember the people watching_?

So this afternoon I had the last few photos of a boutique beer and wine festival to edit before taking a trip to the printers. I finished up the last bite of my sandwich and the last swig of Diet Coke and started the short walk back to where I had parked my car.

I was about halfway back to my studio when Michael replied. I heard the 'ding' through my Bluetooth, but waited until I parked to read the latest text; safety first and all that.

 ** _Okay babes. How do you feel about fancy and Italian tonight? I feel like getting dressed up, something different yeah?_**

I couldn't help but roll my eyes, Michael could be a dick sometimes, but I loved him; well _did_ love him.

 ** _Ha ha! You loser, but yeah fancy and Italian sound...perfect. See you when I get home. Love you xo_**

* * *

So a few hours later, photos edited and dropped at the printers, all dressed and ready, Michael had swept me off my feet... _once again_...as we headed to my favourite little Italian restaurant on the other side of town; Poncherello's.

We wined and dined, chatting effortlessly as usual, finally ordering one of Poncherello's finest gelato cups. I hadn't the slightest idea that this night would be out of the ordinary until dessert was served... _directly in front of me_. The moment I looked down I was...surprised beyond belief. And that was an understatement.

There sitting on top of the wafer twirl in my peanut butter gelato cup was a... _ring_ ; not just any ring… _an engagement ring_.

"Emily Jane Fitch, will you do me the highest honour of becoming my wife?"

I looked up, meeting Michael's blue eyes, and something washed over me. A feeling I wasn't expecting; a feeling that I wasn't ready to welcome. A feeling that was perhaps a multitude of feelings rolled into one...deadly package; fear, pain and...regret.

I was shocked, not by his proposal (I knew one day it was coming), but by the sudden mix of intense (and negative) emotions blanketing around me. But the insane part (and yes insane is the right word here) was what came out of my mouth...

"I-I…I'm sorry Michael...I-I can't."

I got up and left the restaurant before I had the chance to see his face fall, to see his pride disintegrate; to see the disappointment and resignation of his truest intentions leave him... _shattered_. At the time, I don't know what came over me. It's what I had always wanted; love, marriage and family. But for some unknown reason, the actual words from his lips were foreign to me. It was like in an instant, I didn't know who I was anymore. Or what I wanted or that I even wanted to be with him. I just knew I had to leave. And so I did.

I couldn't go home, because he would follow me and demand an explanation, _I mean what the fuck was I supposed to say_? I couldn't go to my twin sister's because there would only be more questions I knew I _couldn't_ and perhaps _didn't_ want to answer. There was only one place I could go and one person I could talk to, my best friend, Freddie.

* * *

I walked all the way to Freddie's place which was a good hour's walk from Poncherello's. I guess I needed time to breathe; time to think about what the fuck I just did. Time to ponder my next move. I wasn't used to feeling like this. I always had a plan; my plan. I wasn't usually this stupid, I mean I knew that when you have been with someone for so long and you love them, the next step is to get married. But what I didn't know was that… _that ring_ …would trigger something inside me that I wasn't expecting. It was like the pin of the grenade, sitting there and if I didn't leave things were going to explode in my face. And I guess in a way they did.

I arrived on Freddie's door step slightly sweaty and shoeless. I'm pretty sure I kicked them off somewhere around Cheltenham Road. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I thought I was doing okay, considering the events of the evening. I hadn't cried or anything…well that was until I saw Freddie. As soon as he answered the door it was like the flood gates were open and the dam was overflowing.

"Hey Ems…" the moment he locked eyes with me that was it, his face fell "...shit Ems, are you okay? What happened?"

Freddie was a pretty tall guy; thin but very _very_ tall. And me? I was a midget compared to him; I barely even reached his shoulders. But when he hugged me, he completely wrapped me up in him as if he was trying transfer his warm energy to me. He engulfed me in a hug trying to calm me down and as usual, after a few minutes it worked.

He brought me inside and waited until I was ready to talk. Freddie was good like that, he was patient and understanding. To be honest, I really don't even remember how we ended up friends. We were the most unlikely pair but we just got each other, you know? Like I said Freddie was tall, but he was also dark and handsome. He had long dark brown hair, almost to his shoulders and had started growing a goatee of late which actually made him look much older than he really was, but it suited him. He had the darkest brown eyes I had ever seen and was the most caring person I had ever known. He would give you the shirt off his back if you asked him to… _scratch that_ …he would give you the shirt off his back whether you asked him or not; if you needed it, it was yours.

After a while of sitting on Freddie's couch in silence I told him everything that happened. And what got me is that he wasn't surprised…at all…

It was a good minute until I had actually registered that he wasn't surprised by my sudden out-of-character display. My mouth dropped a fair distance down towards the carpet and I muttered out something that (hopefully) resembled a, "What do you mean it doesn't surprise you Freds?"

"Well, Ems, I don't want to sound condescending, but you deserve much more than Michael could ever give you."

"Huh?" _If Freddie knew this before, he had never let on before…_

"What I mean Ems is that you settled for him. You thought he was good for you because…well because it was _easy_. It was comfortable…Look Emily you know I love you right but you don't take risks. Michael wasn't risky…he was…well _Michael_."

Freddie knew me better than anyone, so although I didn't understand what he meant then, I knew on some level that he was right.

I rested my head in my hands trying to unscramble what was going around in my head so I could at the very least open my mouth to something that was um or ah. "What the fuck do I do now? I mean this morning I woke up and everything was fine. And now I ran away from the man I love…over what? A fucking piece of metal?"

I adverted my eyes and met Freddie warm brown ones.

"I don't know how to answer that Ems, but what I do know is there was a _reason_ you left. There was a _reason_ you didn't say yes. You may not have the answer now but you at least know whatever the reason was, you made a choice tonight."

Freddie was right. He was always fucking right. I spent the next week hiding out at Freddie's. And over that week I had missed call after missed call from Michael and everyone in my family, about fifty unanswered text messages and a dozen emails. I gave up reading them after a while, because I couldn't answer the questions they were asking me. I fucking had no clue. But as the days went on, I knew I had made the right decision. I didn't know what I wanted but I knew that I didn't want a life that just crossed all the t's and dotted the i's. Looking back, that's how it was with Michael. I was settling with him because it was easy. There was no risk, because there was no passion.

The more I tried to figure out what I wanted, the more I realised I had made the right decision. The next step was a fresh start. No matter how long or how hard I thought about it, I couldn't do it here, in Bristol. Michael was here and he would always be here, which meant I had to be the one to leave. I didn't understand why I had felt this way all of a sudden, but I knew that this feeling was not going to go away. It was a permanent as red wine was on fluffy white carpet. I had to move on with my life, away from Bristol.

Freddie had been really supportive in my decision to leave my life behind. So supportive in fact that he said he'd come with me if I needed him to. I couldn't believe that he would pack up his life for me and move to a different town or country even, but that was friendship in its purest form.

"I can't let you do that Freds. I need to do this on my own. I need to figure out what I want and to be honest if you came with me, I'd just be worrying about the sacrifices you made. No, I need to do this on my own. I need to start over somewhere new."

"Alright, but at least let me help you, yeah?" he paused slightly as if thinking hard about something, before continuing, "look, you remember my Uncle Matteo? The one that escaped to that island a few years ago, after my Aunt died?"

"Yeah what about him?"

"Well he owns like a fishing business or something there. Why don't you go and stay with him? I'm sure you'd be able to help out and he'd give you somewhere to stay, until you figure out what you want and where you want to be? I would be able to sleep at night knowing you were safe with Matteo. Would you do that for me Emily?"

"Um…I don't know Freddie…" _but what really did I have to lose now?_ "Fuck it. I'll do it. I can always change my mind yeah? Life is full of possibilities and all that crap isn't it?" I think I actually laughed for the first time in a week. It felt good.

* * *

The next day, I woke to the sound of Freddie talking quietly to someone on the phone in the adjacent room.

"Look Katie, I don't know what's going on with Ems. She won't talk to me and I'm not going to _make_ her...Just know she is safe with me and I will look after her...Just give her some space yeah? I'll let you know when she is up to talking okay...Bye Katie"

I peeled myself off the couch sauntered over to the kitchen, propping myself up in the doorway.

"Freddie you didn't have to do that."

"Yeah Ems, I did. You need a head start okay. You can't move on if Katie is just going to drag you back here and demand answers. I know her Emily, better than you think I do."

I offered a goofy smile in thanks.

"Come one let's have some breakfast and then I can take you over to your apartment and gather some stuff, if you like?" He walked over to the fridge and began rifling through its contents in order to find something to eat. I mean Freddy didn't actually…work. Well I mean he had a…would you call it a job? He was basically a "bar tender" at this old run down pub and would sing in a band on the weekend for some extra cash. I think he just worked there for something to do to be honest.

"Mmhmm yeah okay. Michael…" I felt a shiver run down my spine at the mentioning of his name, "…um he should be at work by now, so we should be…safe."

Freddie popped his head over the fridge door and gave me a big cheesy grin, "perfect…and we have eggs and **_this_**..." holding up a copy of "The Hangover" on DVD.

We both erupted in a fit of giggles for some time, before I asked the inevitable question of, "dare I ask how that made its way into your fridge?"

"You know Karen and her… _friends_ …"

"Hang on, I thought she moved out?"

"She did…my beloved sister moved out about…two months ago"

"So you're saying you haven't opened your fridge for two months?"

Freddie nodded like a small child afraid to speak aloud.

"Maybe we should just grab something on the way yeah?"

With that he threw the eggs in the bin and chucked the DVD on the table, "I'll drive then?"

By the time we made it to my apartment, after grabbing a couple of breakfast burritos on the way, we were in and out within half an hour. I had packed all my belongings that I actually wanted to take with me in a large duffle bag and a backpack. I took one last look around the apartment, dropped a note I had written for Michael on the kitchen table and closed the door on my, now 'old' life, and haven't really looked back…well not in the 'I made a mistake' way, just a 'so that _was_ my life" way.

So the rest is…well history…I haven't seen Michael in three years. I last heard from him about two and a half years ago through a letter he had given Freddie to redirect to me. I hadn't seen my family in sometime, I mean I did go home for Christmas the first year, but it was too hard to be in that town and there were still questions from my family that I couldn't answer. I hadn't told anyone where I was living or really what I was doing except Freddie, and I preferred to keep it that way, at least for now, the less distraction the better. I mean I was trying to move on with my life by moving here to this far away island off the mainland.

My family didn't really understand, but they respected me enough…well after about a year's worth of grovelling…to just let me find my own way. It was either that or they would never get to talk to me. It was hard to not see them all the time, especially Katie, but I just needed time and no matter how much Katie hated the distance, she gave me that; she gave me time. And now sitting here on my patio in the middle of the night, I think I am ready to move forward.

I pulled out my phone and quickly typed out a text, not really caring what time it was…it was important to do this now.

 ** _So I think I am ready. How's the first of next month?_**

* * *

 **So remember it takes less then thirty seconds to write a review and hit the little submit button. I would love to here what you think so far. I know its a little vague, but the next chapter will set the scene a little better, no that we know a bit about Emily's past and her head at the moment.  
**

 **dietcokeandlime xx**


	2. Author's Note

**So...I know you guys were expecting a chapter here but not today...**

 **I feel my lack of writing for both electric love and never too late deserved an explanation so here we go...**

 **I have been going through some life altering shit of late and it's just about destroyed everything I thought my life was. I am a straight engaged woman who has been lying to herself for a long time.**

 **I had been forcing my relationship to work for about four years and my fiancé and I have been together for nearly seven. He claimed he was never ready to get married but I pushed and pushed and pushed until one day he proposed, two days before our six year anniversary and I thought things were getting...better. I thought we were finally happy...I was wrong.**

 **Right off the bat at twenty years of age I laid everything on the table and told him what I wanted and timeline because that's me; always knowing what she wanted, honest with herself (or so I thought). I wanted a career (in what, I didn't know), I wanted to be engaged and married by twenty five, a house and kids by thirty (I always saw myself as a mother, something that I could actually excel at)...I'm on the verge of twenty eight and my life has taken an unexpected turn.**

 **I woke up this year...different. Like everything I knew was a a fallacy; a flaw of my own making; an error in judgement and a fatal mistake in logic...my logic...and that's saying something because that is what I am...logical. I am calculating and I'm a thinker; I think way too much and mull over things that I shouldn't or down right don't need to.**

 **I did this to myself. I ignored the signs...other rather avoided them, because why? I really don't know. Was it because I was afraid? Probably. Was it because I was ashamed? I don't think so. Was it because I never thought I could be happy? Most undeniably true.**

 **I am not a happy person, never have been. I have been working through my insecurities and dealing with work-related stress, depression, anxiety and the ups and downs of my negative relationship. I know he loves me, but I think he is settling for me, just as I have settled for him. It was easy to, even though everyday was not filled with love and passion. In fact I don't think there is any passion at all, and never has been.**

 **We met at a time where we were both broken and we fixed each other. Things were great for about two years and then he stopped trying. I had to be the one to put in all of the effort. I had to be the adult in the relationship; the breadwinner, the mother, the 'wife'...I had to do it all. I tried to point this out numerous times. I tried as many tactics as I had in my emotional toolbelt (and believe me with all my health issues and hormonal issues over the years it was one...emotional...array of tools); love, anger, hate, lust, passion (or perceived passion), manipulation, hurt etc. I tried everything I could to get him to grow up, to love me in the way that I needed, wanted and deserved...but did it work? No. I drew me further apart from him.**

 **After years of trying, hurting and being humiliated by myself, I stopped caring and that is a big thing for me because whenever anyone looks at me the first thing they see is that I care...about everything else but...me. That is a fatal flaw in my own logic, my own creation. I used to think that if I started caring for myself that would be selfish, so I didn't. Depression, anxiety and medication made things worse...I didn't feel and I didn't want to; it was too hard. I didn't cry for six years leading up to when I met him; heck I didn't even cry or grieve when my grandfather died...what kind of a person doesn't do that?**

 **I stopped caring about everyone else on the First of January this year and finally started to 'see' myself; be myself. The person I was so afraid of showing to the world started to come out of her shell, started to come alive. I am intelligent. I have pretty green eyes, nice hair, straight teeth. I am a nerd; I love to read. I watch movies and TV series. I am passionate about cooking and things I enjoy. But I am not loved, not really. Not the way I want to be loved...and funnily enough Naomily showed me that.**

 **When I discovered writing, it put things into perspective. It made me more confident in myself. It made me realise that maybe I am not as 'straight' as I appear. I started reaching out to other writers to try and understand myself and what I was going through. I started writing from the depths of my heart and my mind. I started to understand my life was far from perfect and that I was lying to myself.**

 **It got to the point where last night I finally understood what I needed to do and as hard as it was, deep down I know it was the right thing...I told my boyfriend and finance that I may not be 100% straight and that I may no longer be in love with him. I mean I do love him, but really, I don't think he loves me...not in the way he should and the way I deserve. I don't think I like girls...I think I like 'people' like the actual person inside them. I'm not superficial, I don't just 'see' the exterior of a person and judge them; I see the person inside them. I see their heart and ambitions. If they write, I can see what kind of person they are with how they string words on a page. If they talk, I can hear what type of person they are with how they speak, the words they use and ultimately their body language. If they like music, movies, singing...and so on and so forth...because these things people are passionate about and I crave passion and I seek to expose it, because it does not exist in my world...not really.**

 **That's it for now, I really must go to work, because I cannot avoid that and have no 'sick days' left at present. I need the distraction.**

 **I will update my chapters, that I promise. Writing has become a HUGE part of my life but right now, I can't write.**

 **Hopefully soon**

 **Thanks for listening**

 **dietcokeandlime**


	3. Chapter 2

**Aloha...so I'm back. Life has taken an unexpected u-turn in a unknown direction and I have been trying to figure out (well start the _process_ of figuring it out) my shit. I am sorry for my 'hiatus' but along with that little annoying thing called ' _life_ ' I have had to deal with late nights at work as my partner in crime resigned and they still have no found him a replacement...so back to running the whole department BY MYSELF...but enough of the negativity...try something more positive dietcokeandlime yeah?**

 _ **(This is a copy & paste from my author's note on Ch15 of electric love...BUT (there is always a but), it was so true and meaningful, I HAD to repeat and I am not one for repetition, so that's a BIG deal)**_

 **Obviously if you read my last "chapter" (the one that wasn't a chapter), you would have had a snippet into the life of Miss dietcokeandlime and my...** ** _predicament_** **of late. So still working on that...but with the help of three amazing women...women who write fanfiction, I am slowly picking up the pieces and trying to repair my shambled life. Don't get me wrong its not all a downer, but not knowing what I want is...** ** _crushing_** **to say the very least.**

 **Okay enough about me, and a quick hail-Mary to these three amazing FF writers...if it wasn't for marsupial1974, mswitsend and fragrantlily90...I don't think I would be posting this chapter tonight (still true for never too late)...or for a while yet, so from the bottom of my heart thank you...hugs and kisses and all that! If you haven't read any of their stories (yes I _am_ getting past chapter one mswitsend I promise, please forgive me?) you need to stop reading this and go read theirs. _Triangle, Constructing Naomily, Stonem House_ and many _many_ more of their stories are simply...amazing. These women can all write one heck of a story; more so one heck of a  Naomily story and I love them for it! Its writers like these three that keep Naomily alive in our hearts, and it is our duty to let them know how much their words mean to us (in any context).**

 **...and cut!**

 **As always, your reviews, alerts and favourites are fuel to my creative energy, so please spare thirty seconds to let me know what you think...?**

 _ **Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own Skins nor the wonderful characters, but I do own my own three healing piercings (so that makes 5 - ear piercings...) and my unfortunate excuse for a brain.  
**_

* * *

 **Chapter two**

I've had trouble sleeping before; obviously many a time over these last few years. Always woken up by some stray thought entering my mind, at some ungodly hour, making me question _all_ of the decisions I've made (or decisions lack thereof) over the last three years. But tonight…or rather… _this morning_ …something felt… _different_. I felt like a switch had been flipped and I was finally ready for something…maybe even someone… _or_ _maybe even just myself really_.

So here I was sitting on my patio, feet resting on the railing overlooking the slipway, sipping a steaming mug of camomile tea and collecting my thoughts. The moon was still out, casting its incandescent likeness across the water, slowly fading out of existence…well at least until tomorrow… _evening_ that is. It's funny that… _the moon_. By radiating across the world it can make even the ugliest of places beautiful and the loudest of places quiet. The moon has this way of drowning out the noise, even inside your own head. It helps you see clarity, even if it's only for but a moment; a snippet in time really, until the sun raises its head, returning truth to the world once more and the cycle begins again.

When the world grows dark and the moon rises above the land and sea, it casts a certain calmness in its wake. If you go to sleep, that calmness is symbolised in your dreams or in peaceful rest. But when you're awake, it offers much more than that…it offers what it _needs_ to for each person; kind of like a tailor-made tour guide of your mind, body and spirit, speaking to you and only you, about what you need at that point in time.

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not like one of those new-age dreamers that have had their 'spiritual awakening' and like worship the moon whilst wearing only my underwear and some dangly pieces of sacrificial jewellery… _no that's not me at all_. No…fucking…way. For me that calmness, that clarity, told me it was time…time to stop living in limbo and to start moving on with this… _thing_ …this thing called… _my life_. I had hidden myself away from it and the people in it for far too long, I know that now…but I needed to; I had to. I just needed time; and time was what I had.

When I suggested to Freddie…no…rather necessitated my 'plan' for escape, all he said was if this is what I needed to do that the was fine, but (there is ALWAYS a but isn't there?) to at least do it somewhere where _someone_ he trusted could keep an eye out for me and make me feel safe; I never would have guessed he meant… _here_. _I_ may have not had a plan, but the light-bulb moment that flashed across dear Freddie's face was enough to say that he had it all figured out in a split second. It wasn't a bad thing, and I am grateful for all that Freddie has done and _continues_ to do for me, but (there we go again with _that_ word) he does know me better than anyone and I trust Freddie.

And _Freddie_ trusted his Uncle Matteo, and not just in the standard family-oriented trust you get because you are like linked by love and blood. It was the kind of trust you have when you want someone 'there' but not there, like imposing on your life and your decisions. He trusted Matteo to look out for me, to keep me safe when he couldn't, but to let me just… _be_. To let me just sort things out for myself, in my own time…at my own pace, without fear of judgment or interference from those I care about most. If I trusted Freddie and he trusted Matteo, I trusted Matteo, end of.

And believe me it wasn't easy leaving Bristol. It was perhaps the hardest thing I have ever done in my life… _leaving it_. I left everything I knew behind; my boyfriend, my friends, my best friend, my family, my fucking _twin_ sister, my job, my apartment and… _myself_. What I saw as the 'old' Emily was left behind in Bristol, but honestly, she was just a different _side_ of me, the one that played it safe. The Emily that hid behind whatever she could because she was afraid to… _live_. I know that sounds ridiculous and perhaps a bit ironic, but it's true and the point is _I_ know that _now_.

That's why Freddie strongly encouraged me to come here and stay with Matteo he knew _all_ of this even before _I_ came to realise it; more so he knew _me, like really knew me_. Okay well it didn't take much to sway my decision really…I practically said 'fuck it', packed my bags and boarded the next available flight to Ibiza. Freddie loved me too much to allow me to put my life in danger of spiralling out of control, without someone to keep a watchful eye over me, you know _just in case_. And he knew that I couldn't be around the people I loved, even if it meant that he wouldn't be a part of that equation…well at least until I got my shit together that is.

I had met Matteo a few times before, but hadn't seen him in years, not since his wife passed. But still he was happy to have me for as long as I needed, without a doubt in his mind. _It must be a family trait that_. Freddie gave him a brief explanation of when and why I was coming, but Matteo said that wasn't important for him to know. He said what was important was that his nephew had asked for his help and he was more than willing to assist in any way he could, even if it meant giving his nephew's best friend a roof over her head, a job and a place to get her shit together. _Can you believe it?_ I couldn't, but there _are_ people like that out there in the big scary world…real people who _care_.

When I had arrived at the Ibiza Airport three years prior, I was met with open arms, from a slightly older looking Matteo. Freddie was practically a spitting image of his uncle, with all but the long hair and goatee. Matteo was about the same height as Freddie, a little more filled out and obviously older, but he was just as warm and friendly as is nephew. I knew Matteo didn't live in… _or rather on_ …Ibiza, but I didn't _exactly_ know where I was going. I kinda neglected to research my new home, I think my mind was more focused on anywhere but Bristol? The moment I boarded the Ferry, I knew wherever Matteo lived was not what I was expecting… _it was better_.

The Ferry from Ibiza to Formentera takes about 40 minutes, so Matteo had plenty of time to prepare me for my new home. He told me about the island and the people there. He told me not to worry about not being able to speak Spanish or Catalan…I mean my limited Spanish vocabulary was solely derived from watching Dora the Explorer when I used to babysit the kids next door. I'm sure 'muy buen', 'buenos días', 'buenas noches' and 'increíble', would only get me so far, but Matteo said he would teach me what I needed to, to get by. People still spoke broken English here, but usually only in the summer months, because of the tourists, but as I would be living and working on the island, I needed to learn the basics.

It turned out that Matteo didn't own a fishing business. He was a fisherman yes, but only as a hobby. He owned a small water taxi and scooter hire business out of Formentera, a small island off the coast of Ibiza. Matteo runs the business with his son, Aturo. They moved to Ibiza after Matteo's wife, Caterina passed away from Leukaemia a few years prior. Why Ibiza? Who knows, but I'm not one to ask or one to judge, that's their business and I respect that. Eventually they ended up starting the business and moved here to Formentera, setting up a base in La Savina.

There were four other staff on his payroll, but he was happy to have me aboard and of course the fact that I was English and could speak it fluently, would be handy for business in the summer months. Carlos, Miguel and Lorenzo we all Ibiza and Formentera locals and loved working on the water. And then there was Gabriella, Aturo's girlfriend. She was shy, like me at first, but we struck up a friendship within a few months of my moving to La Savina and here we are three years later, still good friends, working alongside each other most days.

Matteo and Aturo lived in _Es Caló, about 15 mins from La Savina in a beautiful house by the water. Those two lived and breathed the water and this place_ _. They_ _made it a home and more so, they made it a home for me. At first I boarded with them in their spare room, while I got the lay of the land and my language skills up to scratch. About a year or so after living with them, Matteo offered me the flat above the shop here on the slipway. By that time I had a steady income and was confident in gaining back some independence, so I was more than willing to get a space that I could call my own._

 _I tried to negotiate a price for rent with Matteo, but he wouldn't have it. He said that I worked for him and the flat was an 'extension of my employment package'. In the end, after much debate…a failed debate on my part, I gave in and agreed to move into the flat rent-free. I was grateful of course and Matteo and Aturo became like family to me over the years, always looking out for me, always caring and not taking my shit._

So living on the slip way was… _magical_. It was right near the main harbour, and practically a stone's throw from the Ferry dock, so it was in the hustle and bustle of the seaside centre. I loved it; I still love it. The back of the shop/flat rests on the slipway so the water is my backyard. Our three water taxi boats dock here on the slip way. We have a large boat that taxi's to/from Ibiza on a schedule and can accommodate about 20-30 passengers. And we have two smaller boats that taxi up to 10 people each, around Formentera and to/from Ibiza on request. These smaller taxis operate 24 hours a day and surprisingly for a small Island, they get a heck of a lot of work. So between Aturo, Carlos, Miguel, Lorenzo and sometimes Matteo, when we are busy, the boys are pretty much never out of work, well accept when the weather is less than forgiving, but (!) that is a rarity in these parts.

I mainly handle the scooter hire on the island with Matteo, while Gabriella sorts the paperwork and administration.

The boys work on a rotating roster and if one of the guys is sick or away, we drop down to one local 24 hour water taxi. But more recently, Matteo has taken me under his wing (yet again), and helped me get my skipper certification, so I can help out on the water if need be. I never thought I'd be a lady of the sea, but I love it. I only take out the smaller taxis and only service locally around Formentera, but on the odd occasion I have been to Ibiza with Matteo at my side…and boy is it exhilarating being out on the open sea with a deck full of paying customers… _even if a full deck is only 10 people_.

So here I am three years later, sitting on my patio, tea now disturbingly cold and not even five minutes after sending _that_ text message, my phone starts ringing. It startled me at first, but then I felt a warmth rush through my veins and a smile invade my lips…whispering to the night "Katie".

I swiped right and answered the call to the one person I have missed above everyone else, my twin sister.

"Uh hello?"

 _"Hey Ems,"_ sounding as though she had been awake for hours on a Tuesday evening.

"Hey Kay, I…I didn't mean to wake you…I just…"

 _"…thought it was time, I know. It's okay…"_

"…no Katie is far from okay. I've shut you out for too long, in fact I never should have in the first place. I'm sorry."

 _"Don't be. Okay Ems? You did what you needed to and while it was like…the hardest thing ever, I respect that, alright?"_

In that moment, although I couldn't see her, I could feel her wide grin through the phone, which made me smile alongside her.

 _"…So where the fuck are you then?"_

*Deep breath* Here goes… "Meet me in Ibiza on the first and I'll show you"

 _"Okay fine…_ _wait a minute_ _…fucking reverse that shit…you're in…Spain? What the fuck Emsy? You are in a different country, like_ _overseas_ _country? I thought you fucked off to Glasgow or something, but Spain?"_

Knew that was coming, at least her actual reaction was milder than I was expecting, so that offered a small amount of comfort.

"Umm…mhmm…yeah I am. I'm not in _Ibiza_ Ibiza, but…just book your flight and I'll show you, okay?"

 _"Can I come sooner than the first?"_

"Katie…"

 _"No Ems, you can't have everything your way…okay…whatever hurt you, hurt me too, because I lost my fucking twin sister for three fucking years okay?"_

And…here comes the guilt…three years late, but whoopty-doo here it is.

 _"Okay Emily?"_

"…What? Sorry…look how about in 2 weeks? Is that okay? I mean it will give you time to sort out some of your stuff and me some of my stuff…okay?"

I heard a muffled string of expletives, spoken under battered breath before she gave her answer, _"…look…fine…two weeks…but you better not shut me out again…I want answers…no…I_ _need_ _answers okay? So expect a grilling yeah?"_

Yep, that's my Katie, to the point and extremely blunt, but filled with love nonetheless, _well at least I know it was filled with love._ I mean I fucking missed her after all this time.

"…one Katie Fitch Special already on back order, okay?"

" _Good…by the way Ems…I…miss you, you stupid twat"_

I couldn't help but giggle at her expression of love for me… "yeah Katie, love you too."

The next minute or so was us basically exchanging breathing techniques through the phone. Neither one of us was ready to hang up, not just yet. I decided to break the silence in fear that we would both end up balling our eyes out over the phone and not able to hug each other at the end. If it was one thing I couldn't stand was seeing Katie cry.

My older sister is not big on expressing her emotions… _well to other people anyway_ …to me she is practically an open book, even if it doesn't seem that way. I spent the first 21 years of my life living alongside her in the same bedroom. Doing everything the same and spending nearly every waking hour together. If I was sure of anything in my life, I was sure of my twin sister and at that moment, I was sure she was on the brink of bursting into tears and flood the phone line; _she and I both_. The thought made me sick to my stomach, so _I_ broke the unnerving silence.

"…sham…"

 _"Huh?"_

"Emsy sham"

 _"Why are you talking Twin? We don't do that anymore."_

"…because _I_ _am_ sorry…and _I_ _miss you_ too Katie."

 _"..Katie sham…"_

"Why are you sorry, you did nothing wrong."

 _"I said those awful things and I didn't convince you to stay."_

I knew exactly what she was talking about…the day before I left Bristol…and the day my sister told me to leave and never come back…and if that was what I wanted then she didn't need me anymore…

 _The day after I packed up the remnants of my life…like the ones I actually wanted to take with me, Freddie had called Matteo and set up my one-way ticket to my new life. I left him to sort out the details, because there was one last thing I had to do before I left, and I was dreading it more than the phone call I'd just made to my boss to tender my immediate resignation. I mean the thought of quitting my job made me feel physically sick. It was all I'd ever known and all I wanted to do. I don't use words, that's why I take pictures. Pictures speak for themselves; pictures speak for me._

 _But the thought of saying goodbye to Katie actually made me sick; no joke I threw up in her garden just before she answered the door._

 _"What the fuck Ems, are you okay?" stepping out to find me spewing over the railing and down onto her daisy patch._

 _Her concern made me wretch up the last bit of toast that had been lining my stomach from breakfast. Once return of the marmite and toast had made its debut, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, took a deep breath and turned to face my twin sister._

 _"I…I'm sorry…Katie…your daisies…they…" wincing like I'd accidentally kicked a puppy and indicating to the once pretty patch of flowers now covered in thin layer of chunder._

 _"For fuck's sake Ems, they are just flowers…are you okay? Why did you vom in my garden and more to the point shouldn't you be at work?" she eyed me with a curiosity that slithered deep into my soul._

 _"Look I think I need to sit down…" well more like_ _Katie, we need to talk!_

 _"Right…come in then bitch," whilst ushering me into her inner city town house. "I'll get you some water…fuck…you look terrible Ems" admitted Katie._

 _Yeah I feel terrible too and I haven't even said what I needed to say…yet._

 _After she offered me a glass of water and I rinsed my mouth out, I took a large sip of the cool liquid and absorbed myself in the brief moment of the fluid soothing my stripped throat. It was now or never, and never was not an option._

 _I strolled over to the couch, and took a seat, bringing my legs up underneath me, so I was sitting cross-legged. I felt more comfortable this way. Always had. Although we were twins, Katie was just a little taller than me, and a little more bustier than me and this basically made her scoff every time I sat this way._

 _"Do you ever sit like a normal person Emily?" as she made her way over to the couch._

 _"Have you ever tried it?" following her with my eyes as she came to sit down beside me._

 _"Hello…a bit hard to in heels you know…I'd prefer to not piece my ass if you don't mind"_

 _She smiled. I giggled and it lightened my mood for like…a second. Now or never, now or never Emily, just fucking tell her._

 _"Look, I came here for a reason, but I need you to hear me out okay." She went to speak but I held up my hand cutting her off, "no Katie, I need to do this. Just listen okay?"_

 _She closed her mouth, and nodded, ushering me to continue._

 _"Look, this is really hard and you are not going to understand…but…but I can't be here…I mean…fuck…Katie I can live here anymore…I'm leaving…"_

 _"…what do you mean you're leaving?"_

 _"I'm leaving Bristol…I mean, I leave tomorrow," I couldn't quite meet her eyes, fearing that I would unravel._

 _"What the fuck Ems, why? Is it because of what happened with Michael? I'll fucking kill him if he hurt you…"_

 _"No, no Katie. He didn't hurt me…I just…can't be here anymore. I need to get out…I need to go."_

 _"Right, where are we going?"_

 _"That's the thing Katie…we aren't going anywhere…just me. I am leaving, you are staying here."_

 _"Like fuck I am. Name the place, give me a week to get my shit together and we will leave together."_

 _"That's not happening. Your whole life is here Katie. Your job…you couldn't leave there even if you wanted to…it means everything to you."_

 _"No Emily…you mean everything to me. You're my sister, heck you're my best friend. I can't let you leave by yourself."_

 _I turned to face my mirror image, and saw tears welling up in her eyes, so close to falling freely. It was crushing my heart and tearing it down the middle. I brought her hands up in mine and looked her straight into her chocolate brown eyes…_

 _"…Katie. I love you, you have to know that but I can't do this with anyone. I need to do it myself. I need to figure out why everything went wrong, why all of a sudden I couldn't do the one thing I always wanted; the one thing I had always dreamed of."_

 _"Emily I-I ccccc-ant let you leave. You're not broken, and we can fix this together. Whatever has or is happening, we can sort it out together."_

 _"No Katie. We can't. I can, but we can't and that's final. I'm not trying to hurt you but for once this needs to be about me and what I want…"_

 _From the moment the words left my mouth, I knew this wasn't going to go down well. I really didn't mean it in the way it came out. It was about to be taken way out of context and the shit was really about to hit the fan and splatter the aftermath all over the wallpaper. Her tears seemed to have not only stopped falling, but retreating and with retreating tears a rage was brewing inside my sister._

 _"What do you mean about you? Are you saying that everything is always about me?"_

 _"No, of course not…look this has nothing to do with…"_

 _"No it fucking doesn't, but you are my sister and I do care about you. But if you want to leave and go sort out whatever the fuck is wrong with you, then leave. And don't come crying to me in a month or two, when you can't fix it, because I fucking tried to help you."_

 _"Katie it's not like I'm going on a holiday…I'm leaving as in moving…I might not ever come back here."_

 _"You're joking right? Emily Fitch go out into the big wide world all by herself?"_

 _"For fuck's sake Katie, I'm right here. I can fucking hear you."_

 _"Yeah I fucking know that little sister. Look if you don't ever want to come back…fine…just leave. If that's what you want count me out too, I don't need someone in my life that doesn't need me."_

 _"Are you fucking kidding me? You are making this about you? This is a fucking joke. Look Katie saying goodbye to you is perhaps the hardest thing I'll ever do and it's not like I'll never see you again…I just need time. I'll still keep in contact with you and when the time is right you will know exactly where I am, but until then this is goodbye."_

 _"Just fucking go then…"_

 _"Katie please…"_

 _"Just get the fuck outta my house and the fuck outta my life Emily…we're done!"_

 _There was no point in trying to fix this now. I knew these things were said in the heat of the moment and we would be back to normal again, even if it was normal by distance, we would sort it out…eventually._

And yes we did eventually, but we didn't talk to each other for about nine months…and it was hell… _on both of us_. She convinced me to come home for Christmas that year and even though it was a total fucking disaster with my family, I got my Katie back. Even if it was a text or email here and there, we had started to mend our misunderstanding and our relationship as sisters, as twins and as friends. But it wasn't until that moment when Katie said she was the one who was sorry that I broke down.

"Katie…it…it wa-asn't your fault. I needed to go no matter whose support I had, but I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did. Let's just leave it in the past yeah? Come to Ibiza in two weeks and I promise we will fix us okay?"

 _"Always little sister, always. I love you Emsy-poo."_

"I love you two Katiekins"

A final 'See you soon' was said in unison before the call ended.

So, the next step is here now, no turning back. I had plenty of time to figure out some shit and right now, I just wanted to see my big sister. I want to feel like Emily Fitch again. I want to be a person again. I want to be me… _the real one_.

* * *

 _ **Spare a moment for a review...?**_

 _ **xx dietcokeandlime**_


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